Peace,Be Still.....

When Harley and I began "trying" to have a baby, it drove me crazy. I simply didn't understand why some people could just "wanted to" and they became pregnant. I struggled through depression and disbelief that I would ever conceive a baby. If you don't already know, Hayden isn't my biological child, and having him only made me want a baby even more. I would cry out to God, proclaim scripture everyday....only to land on my face crying and sobbing that I must not deserve to get pregnant. This was a very painful time for me. I felt like it would never happen. Over all of this time, I would hear this small gentle voice say:

"Peace, Be Still..."

Then one day in April 2007 I took a pregnancy test (for no reason at all). POSITIVE. After all of my negative test, I couldn't possibly believe this was accurate. So, I rushed to the store and bought at least five or more test....(with several in each box) I took them all. Astonished, I sat in my office bathroom, on my knees....crying. My gratitude of thanks to my child's creator could not be expressed through words. I sat silent, crying. I didn't have words to express the joy I felt. I got up, and took my news to Harley. Rachel Maelaine Gambrell was born December 20th 2007 at 3:15pm ...7 lbs 4.3oz, 20inches of the purest love I had ever held in my arms. I don't think til' this day I have matched that joy.

Motherhood means more to me than I could ever express through words. Most of the time when I pray for my children I literally feel pain for them. My heart completely tears when I feel them in pain, or disappointment. When they fall down, fall sick, or simply fall in my arms in laughter my heart nearly crushes with a joyful pain. I love them so much it hurts. =)

Here we are again, four months into "trying" to conceive. I don't know how long it will take me to be blessed again with a baby...but one thing I'm sure of is that it will be in His time, and His time alone. I won't be filled with worry, doubt and anger....I will only..... Be Still.....

For this child I prayed and the Lord has given me which I have asked of Him....

I Samuel 1:27

Free People, "Free" People

Last Wednesday our pastors wife Haley said: Free People, Free People. I was taken back on how true it was that I'm not sure how much more of the Bible study I actually listened to. So, I've studied the story of Lazarus. I copied and pasted the whole story onto a word pad and printed it so I could go to work on it with my notes and thoughts. All week I've seen new things about this story. If you are like me you've heard this story hundreds of times and thought, how wonderful, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. If you just "read" it, that is all you walk away with. Let's say shocked is how I walked away from my study each time I searched the heart of God. What are you telling me Lord? Why is this story so significant. Yes, You are the giver of life, yes You are our healer, yes You hear us when we call on You. But what was the message to me? Now? As I went through the passage I kept finding things that the people were doing. Go, went, come, prayed, thought, told, mourned, asked, cried, remove. Are you telling me Lord that I have a part of the miracle. Are you telling me that if I don't do my part many will go lost, many will go on hurting, and bound up? YES!!
Lazarus was Mary's (the one who annointed His feet) brother and was very sick. She with her "prayer partner" Martha interceded for Lazarus by going to Jesus. They didn't wait on someone to come to their house from the local church, they didn't wait on a doctor, they didn't wait on Lazarus to "get Holy enough to deserve a healing", they went to Jesus. All through the story you see time and time again that they went, told, cried, prayed, mourned. In John 11:15 he told the disciples that it was for their sake that He wasn't there when Lazarus was sick, because this gave Him another opportunity to make them believe. Is that why I'm allowed to go through my brothers pain now? Is this why I hurt for him being gone for so long from his family? Is it so that I am a part of the healing, and that my faith will strengthen? YES!!
Now this is the gooooood part. At the end of the story most of us remember Jesus saying: LAZARUS COME FORTH! I'm sure if you are like me you've heard it hundreds of times, I've even performed children's plays to this story when I was a child. But I don't think I've ever remembered the real ending of the story. Those people who had prayed for Lazarus, who had cried and mourned for him, who sought God's healing for him. THEY were the ones Jesus told to complete what He had started. John 11:44 NLT "And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a headcloth, Jesus told them, "Unwrap him and let him go"
The Holy Spirit calls the lost, and we unwrap them. In our love, our prayers and our mourning for the them we grow a depth of knowledge of what God wants for them. We don't judge them for where they are or where they've been. We don't hold it against them when they can't unwrap themselves. (how could they) We carefully, lovingly unwrap the things that have bound them unto death.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. Isaiah 61:1

Redeeming Love

If you haven't read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers you have no idea how much your missing! I just finished it and have sobbed all morning. It's the most beautiful story a lot like my own. Michael Hosea rescues a girl named "Angel" from a brothel and will not let go of her no matter what. It's based on the book of Hosea in the Bible. Next to the Bible this is the most spiritual book I've ever read and my heart is forever changed. (thanks mom) I'm not going to give too many details, it's important that you read it for yourself.
I will leave you with one scripture that reminds me of this book and of myself.
John 3:17 God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world but to save the world through him.

Rachel's Sweet Pig Tails

She is energetic and strong Proverbs 31:17

The whole time she was holding her head down saying "cheese"...she intentionally wanted me to take a picture of her "pig tails"!

Coming to an end....

Today is July 20th, less than 2 weeks until "my summer" is over. "My summer" with my children that is. I've had lots of time to saturate Hayden & Rachel with attention, and love. As it begins to end I think about savoring each moment that I don't have to get up early and get ready, fix lunch boxes, fight traffic and carry several bags into each school as I drop off the kids. That I can spend extra time with the Lord when the kids are napping and in-between times of waiting on Harley's shower/morning routine. My morning coffee isn't rushed and life is great.

August 3rd, life will go back into a scheduled routine equipted with deadlines and appointments. I will go to work with Harley bright and early, and the kids will spend there days in a more structured "learning atmosphere". I asked the Lord at the beginning of the summer to help me not to get frustrated with the children but to soak up the extra time with them and Him. As I reflect on these long days, I do think I have accomplised just that.

4th of July

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

When I hear that song lots of things come to mind, but one thing more than any. I should say, someone. My son, Hayden. Hayden was dianosed with Autism when he was 2 1/2. He is now less than three months away to being 5!

In this song there is something that we also find in Jesus. Hope. Somewhere, someday, somehow, we WILL get to that place we desire. This is my Hope for Hayden. Two years ago I painted a scripture above Hayden's bed. Mathew 17:20 Nothing will be impossible for me....

When I first painted it Hayden didn't speak at all. Just hummed. Now he is babbleing like never before and all of my reciting of this Hope of mine for him has come to fruition. Hayden is on his way over the rainbow. My Hope isn't lost in a dianoses. My Hope will never be lost. Everyday we say our prayers, participate in worship together and I talk to him about what Christ did for him. I know with all of my being Hayden's spirit is grabbing hold to this Hope. Until the dianoses is lost he has this praying momma that won't let go, and inside her head is singing.......

....Somewhere Over the Rainbow......